I am confused today
How did I get to here?
How do I know
what I believe to be knowable?
I am who I am
right now
but
I have no idea
what has happened in between
me now
and me then
I feel dumbfounded
by this state
this heightened awareness
of unawareness
How will I move forward
without the in-between
layers
that make up
my perception
of my initial experience
if I can’t remember
what that was?
How can I stand to
long-leggedly
step forward
into something
I won’t remember?
3 comments:
I wonder are my memories correct? I've had to piece so many things together...asked lots of questions. Will I ever know and does it really matter now? If its real to me its real right? I can't think about it anymore. I only think about the future. I do worry that I'm recreating memories for Olivia. I talk about what happened weeks and months later. I show her lots of pictures. What are her memories? Are they really mine? Are they my perception? I try to include her comments when I retell stories but is that enough? My stomach hurts to think about it so I move on. I have to or I'd never speak.
that was beautiful. especially the last line--I have to or I'd never speak. wow. that is what I feel. sometimes I don't speak because I want to remember the moment as pristine it is.
there are times i don't retell events or even try to think about them again. i never tell anyone. sometimes visions come back and i let them come and try not to intervine. i can't think of a time right now and i'm glad but also sad they will never be shared
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